The Wedding Cray Cray...Part One.

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 9 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss. 

Wedding Cray Cray Part One.

Planning a wedding can be a whole lot of work but when it comes to my family it becomes a bit of a mess. 

On choosing a dress

Dress 1

Wedding Me: I like this one but I want to keep looking because it is still so early to pick a dress.

Mom and grandmother: we do too! This is THE ONE!

Tries on a different dress from a different store

Dress2

Wedding me: this one is pretty but I don’t think it is the dress.

Mom and grandmother: we think it’s THE ONE!

Tries on dress 1 again (later in time)

Wedding me: ok I now know this is the dress I want to wear down the isle.

Mom: I am not sure I like dress number 2 better.

Wedding me: dress 1 looks similar to dress 2 what do you not like about it?

Mom: I don’t like dress 1

Wedding me: you said it was the one last time??????

Mom: I like the seamstress from the first store.

Wedding Me: What does that have to do with how the dress looks? I like the look of the first dress better plus it is cheaper than dress 2 but still elegant.

Mom: I know but I like the store that dress 2 comes from.

Wedding Me: I do not think I should pick the look of the store over the look of the dress.

I was able to pick dress 1. When buying the dress…

Mom: I really like this dress it is THE ONE!

Me: um yay? (Confused for all eternity)

On picking wedding colors

Wedding me: Fiancé and I like burgundy.

Mom: I like purple how about purple?

Wedding me: Purple is a pretty color but we think that burgundy will be the color.  Though if you like purple you can wear it. That would be a great color on you.

At the store

Mom: is this burgundy (holds up purple ribbon)

Wedding me: no it is purple

Mom: how about this material (holds up another purple thing)

Wedding me: no it is purple

Shows what burgundy is

Mom: Isn’t this a lovely burgundy color!

Wedding me: mom that is purple.

For some reason she believes that I will change to purple if she subconsciously sends me messages…sigh.

On where I should put on my wedding dress

Mom: I think we should start a tradition of you putting your dress on at the house and then ridding to the church

Wedding me: Mom that would be a 45 minute drive shouldn’t I just put the dress on at the church with the bridesmaids.

Mom: Oh no! No one should see your dress at all.

Wedding me:  What?

Mom: I do not want anyone to see your dress

Wedding me: but that doesn’t make any sense I know the guest can’t see the dress but my bridesmaids too???????? What about the part where they help me get ready that’s suppose to be fun girl time?  You want me to be by myself during that time???

Mom: I just think no one should see the dress.

Finally in the end she saw that it did not make much sense to sit in a car and wrinkle the dress.  It is a miracle that she is fine with me have my bridesmaids with me before the ceremony…but I better get it in writing cause who knows what will happen.

The Cell Phone Incident

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 8 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss.

The story continues with a massive DOT DOT DOT followed by a real …

The Cell Phone Incident

So one day my friends and I went to six flags to have a wicked fun day…sadly it began to rain (by rain I mean it felt like a torrential down pour mixed with the tornado from the wizard of oz.)

 During this time my phone got wet because it was in my pocket and it started to malfunction.  I was bummed when my phone stopped working, but I thought I would buy a cell phone on e-bay for cheap and it would be no big deal.  I ended up buying the phone and was proud that I got a deal on it.  I thought my mom would be proud that I solved the problem…boy was I wrong.

College me: so I bought a cell phone on eBay for a great deal because my phone hasn’t been working.

Mom: what do you mean you bought a cell phone?  How did you pay for it?

College me: I paid for it with my money.  Why are you getting mad?

Mom: You did not ask me to buy a cell phone.

College me: I didn’t think I needed to ask because it was not expensive and it was with my money???

(I should have known that if I did not ask permission to purchase something on my own things would have exploded…that was clearly my bad…Please taste the sarcasm that is in the air it is pretty moist.)

Mom: You are being very shady about this.

College me: No I am not acting shady…shady is not even telling you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(If I write more exclamation points maybe I will be understood)

Mom: Well because of this you cannot go out with your friends on Friday.

College me: I just bought a cell phone to replace the broken one?

(College me is frustrated at this point…adults are able to buy cell phones without a problem my mom was telling me that clearly I was 2 maybe 2 ½ if lucky.)

-------Later that day in the car heading home with mom-------

Mom: It is ok that you bought the cell phone I am fine with it.

College me: THEN WHY AM I GOING HOME INSTEAD OF GOING WITH MY FRIENDS… sigh... Yanks at the umbilical cord …(why won’t it come off! :D)

If You Do Not Call/Answer The Phone Then Clearly You Are Dead…Clearly.

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 8 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss.

If You Do Not Call/Answer The Phone Then Clearly You Are Dead…Clearly.

So in my family we have a rule that we need to call…ALL THE TIME.  When you leave, when you arrive at a place, when you leave a place, if plans change, if plans don’t change, if you have been taken to space on the Enterprise and decided to have tea with a bunch Vulcans, and so on.  Also the other part of the rule is that my family can call you and you MUST answer… and if you don’t answer then clearly you must be dead.  Though if you try to call them you can NEVER reach them.  So it becomes this very frustrating game of phone tag (I LOVE tag just not with phones.)  Also they do not check their voicemails or texts so you can’t just leave a message.

So one time I had my phone on vibrate while I was sleeping.  Usually I wake up very early because my body says no to sleeping in 

but on this one particular day the conversation went like this:

Body- “Hey you, you can sleep in today I give you this gift!”

My tired self- “YAYAYAYYAYAAYAYYAYYAYYA Thanks body (gives thumbs up)!”

So back to the story…so finally I check my phone and there were about 20 missed calls, a bazillion voicemails, and a panicked mother on the phone.

I tried to explain but it was too late…my mother thought something horrible had happened to me because I was not picking up the phone.  My sisters tried to tell her I was probably sleeping or in the shower but noooooooo…I was clearly dead laying on the side of the road with a cell phone in my hand unable to answer it.

Luckily after my mom calmed down I was able to tell her I was alive and things were fine I was just sleeping.  My mom was glad but let me know that next time I should have my phone on super loud because she has to know I am ok.

Another example of phone silliness is when I am in class.  I am in my last year of college and there is an ensemble class that I take every semester to play my instrument.  It has been at the same time and place for the whole time I have been in college.  I am ALWAYS there but for some reason during that time I will get a text that says “where are you?” or a phone call with “I haven’t heard from you yet.”  I do not understand this because I think its clear where I am…in class! 

Sigh…this umbilical cord is getting itchy :/

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A special shout out to my wonderful fiancé because today is his 30^th birthday! I hope it is magical and I love you boo.

“Its Not The Cuban Way”

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 9 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss. 

The story begins

“Its not the Cuban way”

A little about myself I am half-Cuban but was born and raised in the United States in a southern state. (Waves American flag while eating black beans and rice with pork poured all over it).  I have two sisters and for the most part all three of us were raised a little different from the previous daughter. 

For the longest of time I have heard the saying “Its not the Cuban way” for any rule that did not make sense or hold any logic…it was a cop out for my mom.  I believe this was her ultimate safety blanket and was equivalent to her saying because I said so.  Even my father would use it once or twice (he is not Cuban...not even a little bit…the most he can say in Spanish is certain foods and I believe he only knows that for the basic need of survival)

So the stage is set and we are going to Tarantino this by starting at the end “ITS NOT THE CUBAN WAY”

The curtain is raised enters 12 year old self

Past me: Mom can I go to Sally’s sleepover birthday party

Mom: You can go to the party but at 10:00 we will need to pick you up.

Past me: But Sally lives in our neighborhood… why can’t I stay the night?

Mom: I need to sleep middle daughter I have work in the morning.

Past me: What does that have to do with me spending the night at Sally’s house?  I won’t be bothering you if I am over at her house?

Mom: You can go to the party but I should not have to be worrying about where you are during the night.

Past me: I will be at Sally’s!

(At this point past me is extremely confused…I thought it was clear I was staying the night at Sally’s not joining a circus or killing hobos.)

Mom: Middle daughter I am not arguing this with you.

Past me: Can you at least give me one good reason and I will stop asking…

And BAM my mom would toss out the classic line like it was a ninja star.  It would not be the one good reason, nor would it mean that we could continue the discussion.  It was the one phrase that meant logic and order was done with.  It meant that the game was over and 12 year old me would have to battle it out for another day… (I need my own ninja stars).

Mom: ITS NOT THE CUBAN WAY.

Side note-I have been able to spend the night at a friends house…when I was in college…and only with friends my mom can trust to not cut the cord.

My AWESOME friend made this reenactment for you...with bears...enjoy! :D (and no it was not Sally who made this.)