If You Do Not Call/Answer The Phone Then Clearly You Are Dead…Clearly.

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 8 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss.

If You Do Not Call/Answer The Phone Then Clearly You Are Dead…Clearly.

So in my family we have a rule that we need to call…ALL THE TIME.  When you leave, when you arrive at a place, when you leave a place, if plans change, if plans don’t change, if you have been taken to space on the Enterprise and decided to have tea with a bunch Vulcans, and so on.  Also the other part of the rule is that my family can call you and you MUST answer… and if you don’t answer then clearly you must be dead.  Though if you try to call them you can NEVER reach them.  So it becomes this very frustrating game of phone tag (I LOVE tag just not with phones.)  Also they do not check their voicemails or texts so you can’t just leave a message.

So one time I had my phone on vibrate while I was sleeping.  Usually I wake up very early because my body says no to sleeping in 

but on this one particular day the conversation went like this:

Body- “Hey you, you can sleep in today I give you this gift!”

My tired self- “YAYAYAYYAYAAYAYYAYYAYYA Thanks body (gives thumbs up)!”

So back to the story…so finally I check my phone and there were about 20 missed calls, a bazillion voicemails, and a panicked mother on the phone.

I tried to explain but it was too late…my mother thought something horrible had happened to me because I was not picking up the phone.  My sisters tried to tell her I was probably sleeping or in the shower but noooooooo…I was clearly dead laying on the side of the road with a cell phone in my hand unable to answer it.

Luckily after my mom calmed down I was able to tell her I was alive and things were fine I was just sleeping.  My mom was glad but let me know that next time I should have my phone on super loud because she has to know I am ok.

Another example of phone silliness is when I am in class.  I am in my last year of college and there is an ensemble class that I take every semester to play my instrument.  It has been at the same time and place for the whole time I have been in college.  I am ALWAYS there but for some reason during that time I will get a text that says “where are you?” or a phone call with “I haven’t heard from you yet.”  I do not understand this because I think its clear where I am…in class! 

Sigh…this umbilical cord is getting itchy :/

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A special shout out to my wonderful fiancé because today is his 30^th birthday! I hope it is magical and I love you boo.

“Its Not The Cuban Way”

When most people are born typically the umbilical cord is cut and the baby is considered a newborn person free to make choices in life…not in my family…our cords reach so far that it goes through time and space all the way to my current age of 23.  Although that is about to completely change in less than 9 months I will be getting married to my amazing fiancé, and my cord will be officially (supposedly) cut.  This blog is to celebrate my zany families rules and to fill laughter to the ones whose cords have been cut in their rightful time…BIRTH.  Enjoy…and be thankful that the doctor’s knife didn’t miss. 

The story begins

“Its not the Cuban way”

A little about myself I am half-Cuban but was born and raised in the United States in a southern state. (Waves American flag while eating black beans and rice with pork poured all over it).  I have two sisters and for the most part all three of us were raised a little different from the previous daughter. 

For the longest of time I have heard the saying “Its not the Cuban way” for any rule that did not make sense or hold any logic…it was a cop out for my mom.  I believe this was her ultimate safety blanket and was equivalent to her saying because I said so.  Even my father would use it once or twice (he is not Cuban...not even a little bit…the most he can say in Spanish is certain foods and I believe he only knows that for the basic need of survival)

So the stage is set and we are going to Tarantino this by starting at the end “ITS NOT THE CUBAN WAY”

The curtain is raised enters 12 year old self

Past me: Mom can I go to Sally’s sleepover birthday party

Mom: You can go to the party but at 10:00 we will need to pick you up.

Past me: But Sally lives in our neighborhood… why can’t I stay the night?

Mom: I need to sleep middle daughter I have work in the morning.

Past me: What does that have to do with me spending the night at Sally’s house?  I won’t be bothering you if I am over at her house?

Mom: You can go to the party but I should not have to be worrying about where you are during the night.

Past me: I will be at Sally’s!

(At this point past me is extremely confused…I thought it was clear I was staying the night at Sally’s not joining a circus or killing hobos.)

Mom: Middle daughter I am not arguing this with you.

Past me: Can you at least give me one good reason and I will stop asking…

And BAM my mom would toss out the classic line like it was a ninja star.  It would not be the one good reason, nor would it mean that we could continue the discussion.  It was the one phrase that meant logic and order was done with.  It meant that the game was over and 12 year old me would have to battle it out for another day… (I need my own ninja stars).

Mom: ITS NOT THE CUBAN WAY.

Side note-I have been able to spend the night at a friends house…when I was in college…and only with friends my mom can trust to not cut the cord.

My AWESOME friend made this reenactment for you...with bears...enjoy! :D (and no it was not Sally who made this.)